What people are saying, is to be aware of the power differential, be aware that the person you are asking out may be in a situation where their behavior is constrained, be considerate of the other persons situation, dont take advantage. I dealt with this just as much in a secretarial position as I did in retail. Let me apologize in advance for all the guys out there who do this. As it happens, safe is the first one. She has an easy escape: "Back to work, bye". Ive been pondering this exact situation, in regards to the guy at the corner store I go to. And if that goes well, then you have created a good opportunity to ask her on a real date. In a different life I might have chatted with her more than I did. What differentiates living as mere roommates from living in a marriage-like relationship? Thats the point for the worker, its a business interaction. But don't do it at her work. What cinched it for me was my dad who was there with me. The gender gap in pay has remained relatively stable in the United States over the past 20 years or so. *Actually, I was a lifeguard in another life. Having worked retail as a female, being asked out is one of the most annoying things that can happen to a person, it can go as far as making her feel unsafe. Dont put him on the spot by forcing him to balance customer service with a romantic overture its unfair to him. Note that I am not recommending you ask her out, just suggesting a way of making it easier for her to say no without either of you losing face. Playing offense in Madden 21 takes skill, strategy and knowledge. Would you feel flattered? I do not so much when it happens to me. It's usually pretty busy when I see her there so I both a) don't want to hold shit up trying to chat, And b) don't want to be "that guy" especially in front of a bunch of people. If theyre creepy, weird, or not someone Id be interested in getting to know better, theres an easy out. Yes. I dont want to put her into an awkward position and Im stuck between a note approach (too pussy for a man) and directly asking her out (confidence). At some point we realized that we needed to meet outside the store to really talk, which we then did. I came here to drink milk and kick ass. would be totally normal and appropriate. (29M). I was happy someone mentioned that. And its so true; it can be tricky to know if someone just really likes corn or really likes you. Im not interested. Thats a lot different from walking into a store and asking someone whos rung you up at the cash register three or four times to go to dinner with you. Move on quickly and dont take it personally. Scoring a volley in FIFA 22 is an art form that requires skill and finesse. He didnt have any way of knowing that his asking me out was going to be such an issue for me, but it still made work awkward and scary for a while, and I did my best to avoid him from then on. If only 1% of the population are creeps and you have 200 people come into your store each day, that means that you need to deal with 2 creeps every single day. I once asked a girl to explain what she meant, when what she actually wanted to say would have been perfectly clear if we had been in a bar. Feel really confused like if shes playing games with me. Trust me on this, its not good.. An example could be, Hey so this is going to be super weird. how in the heck are people supposed to meet these days if you dont want to do so at bars or online? I worked in a restaurant and customers hit on me often but the man I am now married to, for 38 years (!) I think the best thing to do is go in right before close and mention something like Ive been craving cheese fries from place super nearby I was going to go with my friend but they bailed. You want to court her. I avoided the drive thru for a few months after that but when I went back we both just acted like nothing had happened. If she wants you to ask her out, she'll make clear signals that you won't have to post on the internet for help interpreting. With the acknowledgment that some people may say NOT to ask a cashier out at her work, can I get some ideas from you all assuming that I AM going to ask her out. Well FWIW, I backed off immediately. I am 21 years old and living in a large city in Germany where smalltalk in local markets is not a common thing. ?. Since your hunch is that she does like you, all you really need to do is open a door. I just checked it for my area, and, sure enough I delivered your pizza last night; you were in a swimsuit. I worked in restaurants for years and later on in customer service and sales. Build a relationship first, as one answer notes. Sometimes its just part of the job. Youve got the people who say Please no! You dont know this person, they dont know you! Should be a great (event, e.g. Of course, if their smoke break is in a back alley behind the supermarket this can't work (seeking her out there would constitute stalking). Next day I slipped my phone number on a piece of paper, didn't say a word and left. One time when he wasnt there I said to his coworker, Hey, is the cute guy working today? She told him I had asked about him, and the next time I went in he gave me his number. +1000. There is nothing in OP's post to suggest for example that he lives in a large city where the cashier is expected to be little more than a machine element. This is bad enough in public, but its a bit worse if youre being put in that situation at work. Even when we were together, hed come by to check up on me, hed get a little bit jealous if he saw me talking to other guys. OP, are you sure neither of these things area happening here? Don't ask someone out while they are at work. This is also a longshot. It is understandable how someone who works for an unreasonable manager or one who routinely sides with the customer could be concerned about what will happen when they turn that customer down. A better idea would be to go b No. Obviously you dont want to be creepily waiting for him by his car or something, but it could give you a chance to ask him out while hes off the clock. I know I have a weirdly strong opinion on this, but no. I find the other answers very unusual, which illustrates there must be some kind of cultural difference at play. Where I grew up (the UK) it is com Because of that, it can be easy to mistakenly misinterpret them doing their job (being nice to you) as social/romantic interest. And in the body of the post This is what fantasies are made of; the pizza guy and the sexy woman. For more information, please see our I wanted to ask her out or leave a note but last couple times I get super nervous when I'm about to do it. I wouldnt give a lot of credence to the signals in a retail environment, because as others have stated, its his job to be solicitous. That would be fun. You can still have conversation with them, but don't put her on the spot. Even these women who we'd call "easy going" only go for what they feel is biologically safe / sound. It doesnt matter anyway, because it will never ever happen again. Does it really matter if the guy is asking her out because hes acutely horny or just anticipates being horny? And it's low-impact enough you can do something like it several times without any appearance of being creepy. (And even then it might simply have been bad timing: he got in a car accident, etc)(or, sadly, he may already have a GF). Maybe you don't need her number and she can just show up at a place and time. Maybe mention a place nearby that you frequent, like the coffe shop you visit before work or your gym or the bar you sometimes have happy hour with coworkers at. Whilst approaching someone with the intention of asking them out, it is important not only to show interest but also respect for their feelings and situation. What are the advantages of running a power tool on 240 V vs 120 V? Its my practice since to never pursue workers in service, not that it matters so much now. Yuck! ), then drop it, and to me, its no big deal. Thanks for your perspective on this Bri because this is something that I was really wondering about. And then poof you have a friend, and can still visit the business. They can't just go around giving in to anyone, they have to be picky. Also, I think waitressing positions in particularor any positions where tipping is involvedare especially good examples of this. I have a boyfriend. (Still gay, now not so closeted :D) So while I was able to stumble out a decline that didnt out me and sounded fairly legitimate, the truth was Id been rather blindsided, and I spent the rest of the day scared that one of my coworkers would have overheard and I was going to get grilled about why I didnt agree to the date later on. I am an adult who has a crush on someone (also an adult) who works in retail. That would be some might serious dating phobia to have that reaction from a casual reach out, hed be quite the outlier with that level of panic. -he remembered her each time, knew and remembered details about her (where she worked, what her schedule was like, her name), etc. There's no freedom of motion for her. Its really helping me to figure out what to do (and Ive been debating this with myself for awhile now) and Im really grateful that so many people chose to respond. Canadian of Polish descent travel to Poland with Canadian passport. TL;DR: I was 1000% sure this guy liked me, I asked him out and found out he didnt. You won't know where to stop and it'll turn creepy. Ugh. Although, if i were you, i would have used that line (but that's me). Asking me point-blank if Id like to go on a date with you is going to make me feel really uncomfortable. But we can't comment more on that without knowing some specifics. (Helpful hint: if hell only text and wont talk on the phone, that is often a sign that he has an SO of some kind). With this knowledge in mind, she's common-senseley (making up words!) They have to smile and pretend like everything you say is hilarious and engage in chitchat. You can't pressure a woman into being attracted to you. My band's playing at the Speakeasy this Thursday, and I wanted to let you know about it. Ill text you! and then not do it. The worst that could happen to whom? This will not get you a natural reaction and is prone to outside interaction from her co-workers and such. A: The best way to gain confidence is to feel confident and know what to say. Women arent delicate flowers and men, as a gender whole, arent big scary monsters. It kills me how some people react over this, though: dont do it! How dare you inflict yourself on this poor sales assistant! etc. and some comments like have you ever tried the _____? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. That complicates the process of turning you down if they don't want to date you. Make sure to be clear about your intentions and always make sure that the cashier is comfortable with what you are asking. I got the message. But those of us who are normal dont actually do anything. what can I say to job candidates who are stalking me outside of work? Then we had an interesting conversation about her other job (comic artist), and I left with her phone number. or "Did you enjoy it" or even worse, "Where were you?". On top of all the other overlapping chances of something else being in the way. Ugh, do you know how most men respond to being turned down? The ball is in her field as of now and she'll be the one to decide if she wants to play. ), This comment made me chuckle a little because I know that my husband (were he available) would never, ever pick up on this type of hint. Its very frustrating. Right, this proscription would mean nobody in college would ever go to a party. Something that lets him know where youll be if he ever wanted to bump into you outside of a work environment. I have never asked an employee out or hit on a woman working before, and for some reason I think this woman is special, even though I dont know intimate details about her life and vice versa. If she does, give her your number and leave, if she doesn't just leave and act like nothing happened, you don' want her to look at you like a creep or something. Its not as dramatic as a manager asking out his employee, but in many retail environments the customer *absolutely* has power over the employee. Its like, Im working. Probably about a 95% chance she either is already partnered or not looking, for some good reasons you can't override. +1. If she is interested, she might ask you. She said she knew me already and found it a little odd, but we always have a lot of eye contact and banter. @sphennings - I outlined a gentle first step towards getting together with a person of interest outside work, in a public venue. I declined. is this situation safe? whenever someone flirts with you. Too bad The IT Crowd is off the air, I could totally see them doing a show like this one. No one wants to be a creeper. WebAnswer (1 of 7): At the Drive thru window, this happened to me many a time & the one luxury I suppose was that they could just speed off in their car afterwards (or I could shut the window). Here are some tips on how to ask a cashier out: Take the time to start a conversation. At some point, she told him Hey, I have this song I think you should hear but I forgot to download it onto my phone. 4 Remember customers' preferences. She gets a free meal outta this deal so no girl in there right mind would turn you down unless you have come off as a creeper in the past, or she has a boyfriend. Asking her 10 times more won't bring a better result. Not eHarmony, they discriminate against gays and lesbians. He was also very cool when I turned him down and he kept coming into the store, albeit maybe a little less frequently, and chit-chatted like nothing had happened (except for my red face because my face is my own worst enemy). Thats a pointas the OP is gauging this guys interest, she should observe how he acts with other customers. Do it OP. Oh man! Then, awkwardness. There are a million variables here. Well, the tricky thing about asking out someone in a customer service position is that their job requires them to be nice to you. Im not sure about women. My hope for the human race has just fallen by another notch. No outside videos or links - mods dont have to verify if it follows the rules. He will also talk to you. If you naturally pass by there, it may be OK to stop for chit-chat. This is not a hook up sub It is so awkward for the person behind the counter on so many levels, and honestly, if it were me back when I was working retail Id be terrified that if I said no, youd do something to get me written up or contact the district manager to get me fired. 2. And I love cheese but dont have any from Spain. Which really just makes things more complicated, since theres no way for sure to know his crushs sexual orientation (something heterosexual would-be workplace-suitors should also keep in mind) and theres sadly more potential for the reaction to be negative if hes wrong. Dont say, Sure sounds good! Its great to know that youd be flattered (even if not interested)! One day, I put the money in her hand, and tickled her palm. I mean there are always like 5 people before and after me, and I think it would be awkward if we are changing numbers while customers are waiting behind us. I worked for years in retail when I was younger and fended off unwanted requests for dates successfully and without any kind of emotional scarring.). Any approach must provide an easy exit for her so there'll be no uncomfortable conversations next time. A lot of people get off on exploiting the power imbalance between customer and customer service rep. Archived post. The employee being hit on? My female friend just started dating a waiter we met while out to eat. MMmmm Chipotle. Granted, yes I loved talking about video games. And the safest answer is still Dont do it.. Ask about the cashiers day or tell them about something happening in the store. Your interaction with the cashier is constrained by work rules (she has to be nice to you) and also social norms. With same-sex flirting, I feel like its a zillion times harder. I got hit on more in 6 or 8 months there than I have in the rest of my life put together. It was more of a problem dealing with the guys that worked nearby and shoppers in public areas. Practice in front of a mirror or with friends, so that you are comfortable speaking and expressing yourself before you actually approach the cashier. Ive seen a lot of this sentiment in this thread (Im biased; Im female) and I just want to say: A lot of women dont find being hit on or asked out by a strange man flattering, especially if the most conversation theyve had with them is either mundane chitchat or about the customers order/purchase. We ended up going separate ways in life, but he was a total gentleman and excellent +1 while it did last, and I still hold him in high regard years later. Q: How can I gain confidence to ask a cashier out? has the world just gotten that much more creepy? And movies are basically sitting in the dark next to someone for 90 minutes in an environment that does not favor socializing. Meh. I think he was banned from campus finally because I never saw him again. Since cashiers handle cash and cards, they must have a high level of A Woman, traveling alone!!! I liked the slip him your number idea that way youre not publicly making it awkward for him, and youre putting the ball in his court. Shes always at the checkout and never doing stuff like sorting products or cleaning the floor where I could actually ask her out. When on a date with the cashier, maintaining good posture with respect and honesty is key in having successful elevations in your relationship. Then later on phone jobs I got asked out every once in a while and used the same excuse. I've never seen you before." The more you think about it the more chance you have of acting like a creeper lol. A response that is far more common than a many guys seem to think. Correct If youre a regular, you can talk to her casually until she gets used to seeing you. The Im having a party, stop by if youd like does seem like a good possible compromiseI think its because thats phrasing the request in such a way that the burden isnt on the employee to say no. You could either leave her your phone number and tell her to say hi sometime (and I stress that you leave her your number and do not ask her for hers) or you could be a Above all else, be respectful, kind and courteous no matter what their response is. It would be fascinating. Meaning; talking to her each time you go shopping, exchanging some humor and eventually get to know her name. And yes, some people take outright rejection very badly. Honestly, I think you get lucky or you dont on meeting people. Can I use the spell Immovable Object to create a castle which floats above the clouds? I think that is the difference. I worked retail throughout high school and college. Please refrain. It was my first job ever, I worked part time for a store that primarily sold video games and video game accessories. Please dont hit on the poor schmuck who has to be nice to you or get fired. I realized Im just one data point, but I am actually friends with many people who Ive met through work. So if it were me, Id just say, Hey, would you want to grab coffee sometime? If they say no outright, or if they say things that imply that theyre not so interested (I dont know, my schedules kind of crazy etc. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. We looked into each others' eyes for about two weeks. 2) I would be told wow you actually play video games? while striking up a conversation trying to get the customer to reserve an upcoming title or subscribe to our magazine or whatever. If you ever finish early and want to join me for a cup of coffee, let me know. Something that puts the ball in the employees court without putting pressure for them to come up with a polite on-the-spot rejection. As an anecdote, we recently had an emergency drill that involved several different departments at my place of employment. and our Pick up something and buy it..from her lane. Who, granted, recognized her because she was a regular, and they had a bit of teasing banter going on which maybe had an undertone of flirting? Its a very weird situation and I agree with you that I need to speak with him outside of work in order to figure out whats going on. "I don't know and I don't care" or if she answers something like: "I love those cookies, I wish someone would invite me to eat them.". It may be true, but I strongly suspect its not, and its a consequence of anecdotal data, how a creepy experience is much more memorable than a dull normal day at work, and so on. Show interest and respect, compliment the cashier, and then invite them out. We flirted for (probably 5) months and I finally asked him out one day. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. If she says "no", just say "no problem, thanks". I think you should go for it, but Im optimistic like that. She either says yes or no, and if no you honorably and politely take the rejection. By entering this site you declare Versus waitstaff who are being grossly hit on by customers know if they go stop talking to me like that, they just cost themselves the tip. But see how youve mentally filed this under social interactions? Ex: "I enjoy that they let you try lots of different wines from all around the world! Her having to worry about that violates the principle of empowered. We talk every day and meet a few times a week. My band is playing at the Speakeasy Thursday night, we're so excited.". :/. If he say, Oh, rats! I think they key with both couples is that there were adults and past the minimum wage jobs. Privacy Policy. Of course. You really have to go with your gut, I think. Oy vey! Its hella awkward for them and unlikely that the connection youre feeling is real. The best you can do is wait until you at least know her for a whole lot of time longer and write your phone number down, and the next time you finished your business with her you give it to her with a verbal 'I'd like to get to know you, if you want to, send me a I didnt know there was a section in Craigslist like that. I also want to say DONT DO IT! Were not talking about sexual harassment, for heavens sake, its coffee (or actually, better causal ideas downstream). Or buy more items so you have more time to make small talk. She was probably scared shitless. As a consequence, we have to have our radar on all the time, because we have no idea which are the jerks/creeps/violent sexual offenders until they get jerky/creepy/assault us. And don't stand somewhere waiting for her to take her smoke break, only do this if you naturally happen to pass by her having one. Ive seen you in here a lot and you seem like the type of person I would like to get to know in real life. Unless we want to rely on eHarmony to produce the next generation, you have to take advantage of opportunities that present in the real world. Didnt Jen have an awkward flirtation with this barista at a coffee shop? Seemed like a good method to me. A new cashier joined my local food shop. Please dont hit on retail employees. We've just spoken briefly a few times i doubt she remember who i am, "i have won million dollars lottery in cash and i can't count them! But fr what a lot of people are saying here, has the world just gotten that much more creepy? Attraction is not the result of a negotiation. LOL did you really think one person could eat that much corn?. I also made sure none of his co-workers or any customers were nearby. Hitting on generally is either straight-up propositioning or coming in sideways. Again, only partake this if it genuinely is by chance. I was thinking the same thing. Just be subtle about it and see where it goes. Keep a close eye on who listens intently to what youre saying, and who just wants to hear themselves talk. Certainly, it can be that way, but to me, Id take being asked out as a form of flattery, even if I wasnt interested. Thanks for contributing an answer to Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange! No I haven't idk if I want her getting wind of my intentions instead of it seeming spontaneous. I dont know about that there are people who will turn a refusal into a Giant Drama Explosion, sometimes to a frightening degree. The pressure to respond positively to those interactions to avoid A Scene is so high! Bookstore or coffee shop or any number of other public places in which neither of them is at work doing his or her job at the time of the encounter. She has never worked a customer service job before so I guess the implications didnt occur to her? I would assume that say, a Chipotle employee would probably feel way less pressure/expectation as part of the job to be friendly in the face of gross hitting on, because their wages arent as reliant on the customers decision to tip/not tip. AH this reminds me of when I went out to brunch with a friend and she picked the restaurant and as we were walking up to the door she turned to me and said, Well, I cant promise I wont ask out our waiter before the end of the meal! It turns out she was a regular at this place and had a huge thing for a waiter. If youve been hit on/propositioned once a shift for the past month, that one guy who is genuinely kind and interested in getting to know you is just going to be added to the SERIOUSLY! I love that show, I wish they would bring it back. Connect and share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search. Say it in a way that shows you mean it--smile and look (2) Copyright 2007 - 2023 Ask A Manager. I was the only female that worked there, and getting hit on generally happened in two categories. Just because you would find it flattering doesnt mean the service worker feels the same. Answers always gonna be no if you dont ask. We dated for close to a year, and when it ended, it did not end well. Im gonna join the dont do it! train. https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2011/03/21/mythcommunication-its-not-that-they-dont-understand-they-just-dont-like-the-answer/. Reply Like #9 Never asked a cashier out , but i allways wanted to ask a female car sales women , how much for a hummer , so far i haven't had the chance..Lew Reply Like When youre in a position where your continued success (and as a waitress, your actual ability to pay your eat/bills) is contingent on playing nice with people who treat you like crap day in and day outand looking sufficiently enthusiastic about it, thankyouverymuchthe power dynamic there is way off.
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